She Hates Me
by AmyLeigh88
Summary: Five times that Rachel hates Jesse that spans over seven years.
1. October 2010

Author's Note: First off, the rating for this will change to M in a couple of chapters. I'd been debating on posting this as a one-shot or multi-chaptered, but since I'm still tweaking a couple later parts I figured multi-chapter works best. I'll probably post the next chapter fairly soon. As always, reviews are love. Enjoy!

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_Ting-ting_ – the sound woke Rachel with a start. She glanced over at her phone that was lying on the pillow next to her and saw that there was a text message. Looking over at her clock on her nightstand she realized that it was 3 a.m. _Who in the heck is text messaging me at this hour, _she wondered. Groggily, she grabbed her phone and hit the button to make the screen light up again.

She gasped and dropped her phone when she saw who the message was from and what it said. Jesse St. James had just sent her a text message. It was at a moment like this where Rachel regretted _not_ deleting his number from her phone back in the Spring after they'd broken up in spectacular fashion. Santana had asked why she still had his number after what had happened between her and Jesse, but she just couldn't explain it.

At the beginning of the school year when she'd sent Sunshine to that crack house simply because she had the potential to take Rachel's spotlight, she'd almost given in and called him just to talk to someone who would understand why she did it. Out of everyone, he was the only one that she could think of that could relate to her that way. The thought had crossed Rachel's mind that maybe she could forgive him for what he did after all. That maybe they were more alike in ways that she had never even imagined. That maybe, just maybe, if she had been in the same position as Jesse that she might have chosen her team over him and egged him in front of everyone.

As she had looked down at his number on her phone that night, hot tears had welled up in her eyes and the lump in her throat had choked back the sob that she didn't even realize had been building. So instead of hitting the call button, Rachel had thrown her phone at the ground and smashed it in hopes that his number and any urges to get in touch with him would die with it. But the very next day, when her dads had taken her to get her replacement phone she plugged his number into her phone again. She knew it by heart. She'd known it by heart after the first time that they met.

She wasn't sure what it said about her that she knew Jesse's number by heart still and yet could only ever remember a part of Finn's number. Rachel thought back to that night where she'd almost called Jesse and wondered why she would even want to talk to him after all that he'd done to her. How could she have wanted to forgive him if he hadn't even asked for her forgiveness?

Rachel looked down at her phone again and read the words – _I miss you_ – and wondered what had possessed Jesse to send something like this to her after all this time. She started to feel the anger rise in her chest as she thought about what he could've sent. Why not _I'm sorry_ or _I was a jackass, forgive me_ or _LA will never have what NY has. _Why _I miss you_? It was unfair. How did he expect her to react after she'd heard nothing from him in months?

She typed out the first words that came to mind and sat staring at them for a moment. Her finger hovered over her screen where the send button was and a war waged inside of her for a moment. She highly doubted that he would respond to her if she sent it, but the practical side of Rachel reminded her that was the point. Before she could change her mind, her finger hit the blue send button. She sat there and watched as the little send bar filled up with green and eventually said sent.

She stared blankly at the phone for a moment, reading and re-reading the text she'd just sent.

_I hate you _

Curled up in a ball, she clutched her phone and silently willed a response message to pop up. Tears fell down her cheeks and onto her pillow as she cried silently. This was what she had wanted so she didn't know why she was crying. She had just started to fall back asleep when her phone sounded again and vibrated in her hand. Opening her eyes, she looked at the screen.

All it said was – _I know_.


	2. April 2011

**Author's Note**: This chapter has a little bit of Puck/Rachel friendship. I've never written Puckleberry before but I enjoyed writing them as friends. Reviews please!

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Rachel never got invited to parties, yet here she was at her very first one in the Spring of her Junior year. And this wasn't just any lame party with a few of the glee kids playing spin the bottle, this was a huge house party with alcohol and loud music. This was the type of party that neighbors called the cops on. Rachel was giddy with excitement at the thought that she'd finally been accepted at McKinley High.

"Why are you standing at the door, Berry?" Puck asked, as he walked up to Rachel.

"Um, I – " she stammered, not able to think of an actual response that didn't sound completely stupid even to her own ears.

Throwing his arm around her shoulder, he began leading her towards another part of the house. "How about you and I get wasted?"

"I don't think that's a very good idea, Noah," she practically yelled as they walked through the loud living room where the music was blasting.

"Why not? Don't you want to have fun, Berry? Or are you allergic to it?" he teased as they walked into the kitchen.

"Of course, I like to have fun," she scoffed. "Alcohol impairs one's judgment and I like to have full control of all of my faculties."

"Have you ever thought that maybe that's your problem, Rachel?" he asked, handing her a red Solo cup with some concoction inside of it. She looked at him like he had two heads. Why would wanting to maintain control of herself be a bad thing? "Do me a favor, just this once. Let loose and be a teenager."

Rachel thought about it for a moment, maybe Puck was right. It was just one drink after all, she would be fine. So Rachel took her first sip of whatever was in the cup she was holding and nearly spit it out once it touched her tongue. She didn't want everyone in the kitchen to think she was a total loser, so she choked it down and did her best not to cough.

"What is this?" she inquired, a look of disgust crossing her face as she smelled the contents of the cup again.

"It's hunch punch," Puck replied, casually.

"And what exactly is in hunch punch," she hissed.

"I don't know. Liquor and fruit juice, I guess. I don't make it, Berry. I just drink it," he responded with a shrug and took a sip out of his own cup. "Remember how we just talked about you losing control?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Fine," she huffed, and took another sip of the drink. It wasn't as bad as the first sip because she was actually prepared for it this time. In fact, fifteen minutes later when she'd finished her drink she was starting to like the hunch punch.

Holding out her cup to Puck, she couldn't stop the goofy grin that she had plastered on her face. "Ready for more already?" he asked with a laugh.

"Yep, it's kind of tasty," she said, giggling. She didn't know why she was laughing or what was so funny, but she couldn't help herself.

"Here you go." He handed Rachel the refilled cup. "Don't go drinking it too fast. Trust me," he warned.

She merely laughed and waved him off. "I'm fine, Noah." And with that, she turned on her heel and headed for the living room where she found Kurt and Mercedes dancing. They both waved her over and she joined them. Rachel took another sip before she started dancing.

"Rachel, are you drinking?" Mercedes asked, incredulously.

"Yes, something called hunch punch," Rachel replied, cheerily. She noticed Kurt and Mercedes exchange a look – a _judgmental look_, Rachel thought. She didn't care though. She was having fun. She could get used to this letting loose thing that Puck had talked about. Throwing her hands up in the air she danced to some hip-hop song that she had never heard, but she loved it.

She felt strong hands grip her hips as someone started to dance with her. Rachel turned her head slightly to see that it was Puck who she was now grinding against on the dance floor. He grinned that lecherous grin of his as Rachel continued to dance with him. Somehow she managed to keep right on drinking as well. Puck was quite impressed. He had no idea that Rachel actually had it in her. When he'd told her to let loose, he figured that she'd punk out but here was little Berry actually out of control and enjoying herself.

Rachel wasn't sure how long they'd been dancing, but she knew that she'd finished her drink and was now quite hot and sweaty from dancing with Puck so much. She turned around wiggling her empty cup at Puck and fanning herself to let him know she was thirsty and hot. Taking Puck's hand she followed him back into the kitchen for her refill.

"Are you sure you don't want some water or something else, Berry?" he asked, not sure if she would actually be able to handle another drink.

"Nope, hunch punch," she said, with a slight slur. Taking in Rachel's current state of inebriation, he decided to only fill her cup halfway. She'd never realize it anyways. "I'm hot," was all the explanation Puck got as Rachel took her cup and headed for the back door. He shrugged figuring she'd be okay on her own back there and headed back to the living room.

Rachel opened the back door and stumbled outside, laughing at herself. A couple people looked at her funny but she didn't really care. Walking further into the backyard where no one else was, she ungracefully plopped down on the ground. Unsuccessfully, she attempted to lay back on the grass slowly, and then just gazed up at the stars. She wasn't sure why they seemed to be spinning. It was very strange.

As she lay there looking at the stars and thinking, she was suddenly struck with an idea. She reached for her phone in her wristlet. Fumbling with the phone for a moment, she finally found the number that she was looking for and hit it so it would dial. She didn't know what time it was there and she didn't care. She had things to say.

Rachel had nearly given up and was preparing to leave a very lengthy, and quite possibly incoherent, voicemail for him when he answered. "Hello?" She could hear laughter in the background, so she knew he was also out having a good time.

Rachel had thought that she was prepared and knew exactly what she was going to say, but now all her brain wanted to do was sing a "Somewhere Out There" duet because it seemed fitting. She tried to stifle her giggle at her ridiculousness but it didn't work.

"Rachel?" Jesse breathed. After the text message exchange, Jesse had erased her number from his phone thinking it was better that way since she obviously didn't want to hear from him. He never thought that she would be calling him all these months later.

"Jesse St. James, I just wanted to call you and tell you that…" she racked her brain for what she had wanted to say.

"Tell me…" he encouraged from the other end.

"Oh, yeah, that I hate you. You're a big, fat jerk. And I don't ever want to speak to you again," she managed to get out rather coherently.

Rachel heard an unexpected sound come from Jesse, laughter. "Are you drunk, Rachel?"

"No!" she exclaimed, making a face like he could actually see her talking to him. When her response was met with silence she decided to amend her last statement. "Maybe."

"Where are you," he asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Why do you care, boy-who-egged-me?" she responded, childishly.

"Rach, I care," he replied, softly. "Are you okay? You're not wandering down some dark alley all by yourself are you?"

Now it was time for her to giggle at his ridiculousness. "No, I'm lying in a backyard of someone's house looking up at the stars."

Jesse breathed a sigh of relief. "So, you're safe. Someone's driving you home?"

"I'm fine, _Dad_. And hey, stop trying to make me forget why I called you," she said, wagging her finger at the air.

"Yeah, yeah. You hate me. I get it," he sighed. "Would it help if I told you that I'm sorry?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I am. Sorry," he told her.

Rachel hadn't been prepared for that and the only response she could think of was, "Thank you."

"So, how are you?" He wanted to know that she was okay and that she was happy. That was all he wanted for her.

"Drunk," she giggled. "And desperately wanting to sing 'Somewhere Out There' right now."

Now _that_ was not the response Jesse was expecting at all. "Even when you're drunk, all you want to do is sing," he said, a smile gracing his lips.

"I want to sing with you," she explained, the painful truth hitting her like a ton of bricks.

"Do you really want to sing "Somewhere Out There"?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered.

"As you wish," Jesse responded and began the song – _Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight, Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight._

_Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer, That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there – _Rachel sang. Tears began to fall from her eyes as she sang, gazing up at the stars. Even over the phone, hers and Jesse's voices sounded heavenly together as they harmonized on the chorus.

Rachel realized how much she actually meant the words as they sang the last few lines of the song – _Somewhere out there if love can see us through, Then we'll be together somewhere out there, Out where dreams come true_ – in perfect harmony. "Thank you," she said, sighing in contentment.

"You're welcome," he replied. Then he laughed, "I'm actually amazed I remembered all the words."

"Berry! You out here?" Rachel suddenly heard Puck yell from the back door.

"I have to go," she said, suddenly.

She was just about to hang up when she heard Jesse's frantic, "Rachel wait!"

"Yeah?" she asked, expectantly.

"If you ever want to talk," he began slowly. "Or sing," he added quickly. "You can call me anytime, even if you do hate me." He smiled at that last part. She could say she hated him all she wanted but he knew the truth now.

"Jesse, I –" she began only to be interrupted by Puck yelling for her again.

"Don't worry about it. You have to go. Take care, Rachel," he said, softly. And with that he hung up the phone, leaving Rachel speechless and still lying unmoving on the ground. Suddenly, her vision was filled with Puck looking down at her.

"Berry, when I call, you answer. Got it?" he huffed. She merely nodded her head and reached for the hand that Puck offered to help her up. "What were you doing out here anyways?" he asked as they walked back towards the house.

"Nothing," she sighed, smiling to herself. He didn't need to know that she'd just possibly made up with Jesse. No one needed to know.

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**Author's Note**: I don't know why but I just to had them sing "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tail b/c it's sort of fitting with them being so far apart at this point. Plus when I was little, I loved this song.


	3. May 2012

**Author's Note:** Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. Your feedback means a lot. So this chapter is sort of new territory for me since I've never posted anything even remotely smutty in the public domain. Fun fact, this chapter was actually part of another fic that I'm currently writing but that fic took on a life of it's own and I was never going to organically get to this point so I was inspired to write a Five Times fic b/c of three little words she says to Jesse, "I hate you". Anyways, I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. Reviews are always appreciated.

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Nationals. Finally. Rachel had been dreaming about this day for three years now and it was finally here. While they had gone to Nationals during her Junior year, it hadn't been to compete. The sole purpose of the trip was to see just exactly what they would be up against when they finally made it to that point the next year.

She didn't want any distractions as she paced anxiously backstage in the hallway near where her teammates were all huddled nervously in a room together. So she was pissed when she saw Jesse St. James stalking towards her down the hallway. It had been a tumultuous last month in New Directions. Near the end of her Junior year, she and Jesse had struck up a tentative friendship but Rachel had kept it from all of her teammates. There had been no reason for them to know.

When he'd left UCLA and moved back to Ohio at the end of his Fall semester to wait to attend NYU in the Fall of the next year, their friendship had morphed into something more. She'd been able to keep her "relationship" or whatever it was, with Jesse a secret for months, but a little over a month ago they'd foolishly decided to see a movie in Lima and were spotted making out in the back row by Kurt. He, of course, told everyone in New Directions and she'd been labeled a traitor. The one-time happiest part of her day had become the most miserable.

"I can't talk to you right now, Jesse," she said, walking brusquely down the hall and away from him.

He wasn't going to let her keep on shutting him down every time he wanted to talk, so he grabbed her hand pulling her with him. "What the hell is your problem, Rachel?" Jesse yelled, once they were finally behind closed doors in one of the dressing rooms by themselves backstage.

"Do you really want to know?" she yelled back, as she whirled around to face him. He stood there glaring at her, waiting for an answer. "You are!"

"Oh, I'm the reason you have a bug up your ass, Rachel?" he asked, incredulously. "You've barely spoken to me in weeks so how in the hell can you be pissed at me for anything?"

"Don't you get it, Jesse? You just walk back into my life and completely screw it all up. You don't even think about how the things that you do might affect others. It's always about you!"

"That's rich, Rachel. Coming from you," he sneered, rolling his eyes.

"We're done," she spat.

"Fine! We'll continue this later." Frustrated he started to walk towards the door. He should've known that they wouldn't have been able to have a real conversation. For the last month all he'd gotten from Rachel were short answers or silence.

"No, Jesse. _We're_ done."

"What?" His mind was reeling from the implications of what she'd just said. First, he wondered how they could be done when they weren't even together. Stolen moments did not equal a relationship. She had made that abundantly clear. Then he felt a bit of panic at the idea that she might mean that they were finished completely. No longer friends or… anything to each other after today. The panic that he felt suddenly turned into anger.

"This," pointing her finger between the two of them, "whatever _this_ is, I can't do it anymore. After Nationals is over, I can't have you in my life."

"No." He couldn't stop the sullen look that crossed his features. Jesse couldn't help but wonder why the only emotion he could feel was anger. He should have felt sadness at the thought that Rachel wanted to walk away from him for good.

"You don't have a say in the matter."

"The hell I don't. I won't let you do this, Rachel." Jesse stalked towards her so he was in her personal space.

"You really don't care that I was doing fine before you came waltzing back into my life last year? I had a relationship with a boy who was good to me, Jesse."

"Who? Hudson? You're joking right?" Rachel just looked at him and stood her ground. "He was so good to you that he humiliated you over and over and made you feel like you were less than he was. He was never the right guy for you, Rachel. And don't put the blame on me for your relationship ending. I never forced you to do anything."

"No, you didn't but you sure as hell didn't make it easy for me to say no either."

"Don't try to make me out to be some sort of villain to Hudson's white knight. I never hid my intentions from you. I was always honest with you about my feelings for you even when you didn't want to hear them." The words tumbled bitterly from his lips which made Rachel too uncomfortable to look at him in that moment.

Jesse saw this window of opportunity and decided to take it. "Tell me you don't love me, Rachel, and I'll walk away," Jesse said, as he inched closer to her.

"I don't love you. I hate you," she hissed. She was trembling with fury as he continued to move closer to her. Or was it desire. Her emotions were so mixed up around him all of the time lately that she couldn't seem to tell her ups from her downs and her lefts from her rights when he was near her.

"Hate. That's a pretty strong word, Rachel. Only you tried that once before and it didn't seem to stick did it," he said smoothly, mere inches away from her. Close enough so that Rachel could feel the heat radiating off of his body.

"I'm not having this conversation with you right now, Jesse," she said, shoving him away from her slightly. "I thought you wanted us to win Nationals so why in the hell are you trying to get inside my head before one of the most important performances of my life?" She crossed her arms, waiting for his answer.

"Because these last few months have been killing me, Rachel. Literally. Believe me, I want you to win the National championship that you so deserve. Look, I could've gone ahead and moved here to New York this Spring rather than waiting until Fall semester, but I didn't because I wanted to be near you again. To be with you again." He had moved back in her space again and this time he reached out to lay a hand on her waist.

"Don't touch me," Rachel growled, grabbing his hand and flinging it off her waist. She backed away from him again.

"Why?" he moved close to her again. She continued to back away from him until her back hit the wall, and Jesse continued to advance. "You still love me, Rachel. I know it. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me."

"Trust me, Jesse. That is not love you see," she spit out, placing both of her hands on his chest to shove him away again. Only this time, he didn't budge. In fact, he managed to be flush against her and Rachel could feel his arousal. "Jesse…" she warned.

"I love you, Rachel…I want you," he said, huskily. She'd stopped trying to push him away but she was not giving into him just yet. He put a hand on her lower back and slowly moved it down until his hand was on her ass and he pulled her roughly against him.

Rachel couldn't stop the gasp that escaped her lips. She would've been lying if she'd said that she hadn't been extremely turned on at that moment. She wanted him but she was going to do everything she could to make sure he didn't know that. "I know you want me too," he whispered as his other hand slid around to the front of her body and under her skirt to feel how damp her panties were.

"I don't want you. I don't love you. I feel nothing for you other than contempt," she said, pushing at his chest again to try to get him to move and also trying to keep her hormones in check as Jesse's hand slowly moved to the side of her underwear.

"Do you want me to stop then," he asked, looking her in the eyes. His hand hovering just close enough to her that she could feel it, yet not touching her where she desperately wanted him to touch her.

Tension hung in the air between them as they just stared at each other, both waiting to see who would make the first move. Rachel grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him into a rough kiss. When they pulled apart, they were both panting. "Don't stop," she said breathlessly. She nearly cried out in ecstasy as she felt his finger slip inside of her. She felt another one inside of her as his hand moved in a steadily increasing rhythm. "Jesse…" she panted.

At the sound of his name, he placed a bruising kiss on her lips. His fingers slid in and out of her as she was shamelessly grinding herself against his hand.

"What do you want me to do Rachel?" he asked, speeding up his pace. His lips just brushing her lips. They'd been together many times over the last few months, but never like this. Never this erotic.

"Please…"

"Please what?" he asked. Kissing her again, his tongue tangling with hers as he could feel her so close to the orgasm that she so desired.

"You…inside...me," she gasped. As he continued to slide his fingers in and out of her, she managed to somehow fumble with his pants and unzip them. Finally she had him in her hands and he pushed her panties even further to the side.

He picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist, and she guided him into her slowly, filling her completely. A low groan of contentment escaped his lips at finally being inside of her. He slowly slid back out and grunted as he thrust into her again.

"I hate you," she growled as he pounded into her. Her nails digging into the back of his neck as her back hit the wall roughly with each thrust.

"Say it again," he rasped out. Thrusting into her harder. And then he was kissing and sucking on her neck and she was sure that he was trying to leave his mark on her by giving her a hickey that everyone would see.

"I hate you… I hate you… I hate you," she repeated. Every time he thrust into her, it became a mantra. His kiss swallowed her words as he quickened the pace, bracing one of his hands against the wall for purchase. Using her weight and gravity to help her, Rachel managed to match Jesse's movements.

But Jesse could feel her slipping down the wall as he drove into her so he stopped as Rachel let out a growl of protest. Grabbing her ass, their bodies still joined together, he made his way over to the dressing table and set Rachel down on top of it. Rachel was on the brink as Jesse pushed one side of the bodice of her dress down to expose her breast and began to suck and nip at her nipple. She ran her hands through his hair and scraped her nails against his scalp.

Letting out a loud cry of pleasure at the sensory overload she was currently experiencing, Jesse lifted his head and claimed her mouth once again. "Shh," he whispered as their lips parted and he began kissing her pulse point as his hands gripped her thighs and his thrusts became more erratic.

"I…I…ahh," she tried to say something quietly, but it dissolved once again into a loud moan of pleasure. "Oh, God!" she screamed as she was so close to tumbling over the edge.

"Rachel," he whispered, trying to shush her again. He kissed her deeply and swallowed her cries of ecstasy while he thrust into her roughly a few more times. His own orgasm soon following as he felt her walls clinch around him. Breathing heavily and still trembling, Jesse rested his head on Rachel's shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.

"That was…" he managed, breathlessly.

"Yeah," she agreed, absentmindedly curling the hair at the nape of his neck with her fingers. "Jesse, I…"

"Shh," he whispered, his lips grazing her collarbone before he kissed it softly. "We can talk later." Finally pulling apart, they both stood up and began fixing their disheveled clothes. They both knew they were delaying the inevitable, but they were okay with that. At least for now.

Rachel checked herself in the dressing table mirror and noticed Jesse staring at her from behind. A blush crept into her cheeks, unbidden. She still didn't understand how he could possibly make her blush after the things that they'd done. "You look beautiful," he told her, walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. She leaned back into his chest and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "You're glowing," he said quietly into her ear, sending tingles down her spine.

"Do you think anyone will notice," she started panicking. Worrying that she looked like she'd just had what might possibly have been the best sex of her short life.

"No, but even if they do, who cares?" he reassured her, playfully nipping at her neck before planting a soft kiss in the same spot. "You better go meet up with the rest of your team." He released her from his arms and walked backwards towards the door.

Following behind him, they stopped once they reached the door. "You're going to be great, you know," he said, reaching up to caress the side of her face. Throwing her arms around his neck, lips and tongues collided one last time. They stayed locked in one another's arms as they reluctantly ended their kiss.

"I love you, know that?" Rachel admitted, her forehead pressed against Jesse's as she looked into his eyes.

"I know."


	4. December 2013

**Author's Note: **Sorry if there was any confusion with what year of high school Rachel was actually in in the previous chapter. Since Rachel is only 15 I automatically went with her being a Sophomore this season but apparently she's a Junior so I guess she skipped a grade somewhere along the line. So I've made the changes in the last couple of chapters to match up with what the show has decided is canon. Thanks RubberSoulRevolver for bringing that to my attention. Anyway, when I decided to write this fic, I knew that one of the parts had to be at Christmas simply b/c it's my favorite time of year. Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter. It ended up being a lot longer than I initially intended it to be. Thanks for all of the reviews and feedback so far.

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Rachel loved the winter holidays, especially in New York. Just because she didn't celebrate Christmas didn't mean that she couldn't appreciate all of the beautiful Christmas decorations all over the city, and there was nothing prettier to her in all the world than the Rockefeller Christmas tree. There was something so magical about walking by all the store fronts with all of their decorations. This was her second holidays in New York since she had started at Tisch in the Fall of the previous year, and she'd decided that this was when the city was her favorite.

So it was a pity that she would be going back to Ohio for the rest of December the next day especially since it had been snowing since earlier that afternoon and the city was now blanketed in white. It was almost as if a hush had fallen over the city. Rachel had just finished her last final and she should've been relieved the semester was over but she was a little sad to be leaving New York behind. Even if it was for only a few weeks.

As she passed by her favorite coffee shop on the way back to her dorm, she decided to stop in and get her favorite holiday coffee, a peppermint latte. "I haven't seen snow like this in a few years," the guy behind the counter remarked, as Rachel paid for the latte that she'd just ordered.

"I love it," Rachel responded, glancing back outside at the falling snow and smiling.

"Yeah, it's nice if it snows for a few hours and stops, but this isn't supposed to let up for a few days," he said.

"What?" she'd been so immersed in finals over the past few days that she'd been completely out of touch with the outside world. She hadn't even had a chance to check the damn weather.

"The weather guy said this is going to be a blizzard," he said, handing her the latte she'd ordered.

"Thanks." Absentmindedly, she took her latte and headed for a table by the window. As she sat down, she reached in her bag and pulled out her laptop. She needed to check her flight. Because classes hadn't ended until the middle of December she'd already missed Hanukkah with her dads, but that didn't mean she wanted to spend her birthday or the rest of the holidays alone in New York, no matter how much she loved the city. As she got to the website, panic arose in her chest as she saw that her flight for the next day had already been cancelled. In fact, if what she was reading was right, she might not be able to fly home until at least the following week.

She hadn't heard from her dads yet, so obviously they hadn't checked to see about her flight yet. Sipping on her latte, she thought about her options. She wasn't old enough to rent a car, and even if she was, Rachel was sure that there wouldn't be any cars left to rent at this point. She could wait it out, but the thought of that just made her depressed. Then it was as if a light bulb went off above her head.

So that was how Rachel ended up on Jesse St. James' front door step thirty minutes later. She wondered if this was a good idea as a war waged inside of her. She decided it wasn't but it was a necessity. She buzzed the apartment that she knew was his.

"Yes?" came his reply.

"Jesse?" Rachel asked tentatively.

"Rachel? What are you doing here?" his voice came through the intercom.

"Jesse, I need to talk to you. Can you please let me in?" she replied, losing patience. Her only reply was the door buzzing, signaling that the main door was unlocked. She climbed the stairs to his apartment quickly and rapped on his door once she stood in front of it, she knew this was her only option if she wanted to go home. She didn't even wait for a greeting or an invitation to enter as she pushed her way into Jesse's apartment as soon as he opened the door.

"Well, hello to you too," he quipped as she breezed past him and into his living room.

"Hi," she responded breathlessly as she glanced around his apartment. She'd only ever been here a couple of times with some mutual friends but she and Jesse didn't make it a habit to hang out together too often and even when they did hang out with their mutual group of friends it wasn't like they were chummy with one another. Most of their friends knew they had history, they just didn't know the full extent of it, especially the less than amicable way it had ended between them the last time they had been involved.

Shutting his front door, Jesse walked over and stood in front of Rachel, waiting for an explanation as to why she had decided to pay him an impromptu visit and just what was so damn important that she felt the need to come stalking into his apartment like she owned the place. "You came over here for a reason," he prompted impatiently when she didn't say anything.

"I have a proposition for you," she started.

"I'm listening." Jesse's interest was piqued.

"As you are aware, since we attend the same school, classes ended today for the semester," she explained. Jesse merely nodded in agreement. "Well, I am supposed to be going back home to Ohio tomorrow but due to the less than favorable weather conditions currently hovering over us, my flight has been cancelled."

"So what do you need me to do?" He had a feeling as to what she was about to ask him, but he'd wait for her to say it.

"I know that you have your car," she said, suddenly feeling a little self conscious. "And…and I was hoping that we could ride back to Ohio together tomorrow," she rushed out the rest of her request.

"Hmm, well since I'm not supposed to fly back home until next week, I'm not sure how that benefits me in any way," he replied, trying to remain completely indifferent to her. So far, it was working.

"You know what, some things never change. I knew this was a mistake," she huffed and started for the door. "I had almost forgotten how much I hate you. Thanks for reminding me."

That stung Jesse. He reached out and grabbed her arm as she attempted to move past him. "Rachel, wait." She whipped around, her arm still in his hand, with an annoyed look on her face. "I'm sorry. My default mode is to be an ass." Her face softened a bit at his admission. "Okay. We can drive back to Ohio together."

A huge smile broke out across her face and she flung her arms around him. _Talk about running hot and cold. One minute she hates me, the next minute she's hugging me,_ he thought as he patted her shoulder with one hand, awkwardly. "Thank you," her voice muffled by his sweatshirt.

Pulling out of her embrace, he took a couple of steps back. Composing herself a bit, Rachel ran her fingers self-consciously through her hair. "So, listen, with the rate the snow is falling we need to get out of the city tonight. Do you think you can be ready to go in an hour?" he asked.

"I'm already packed," she declared proudly. She may not have made time for things like the news and weather reports, but packing had been a completely different story.

Jesse knew he should've expected her to say something like that. She was Rachel Berry after all. "Alright, well, then I just have to pack," he said with a small smile.

"Okay, my address is –" Rachel started.

"Rachel, I know where you live," he stated matter-of-factly, cutting her off.

"Oh, um, right," she replied. "Well, then I will see you in an hour." And with that she walked out of his apartment leaving him to pack his things.

As promised, Jesse was parallel parked outside of her building an hour later. Like the gentleman that he had always been taught to be, he went up to Rachel's dorm and helped her carry her luggage downstairs and load it into his car. "Did you pack your entire closet in here?" he complained as he loaded her stuff into the back of his Range Rover.

"Not my entire closet, but one must always be prepared for every situation," she explained. His only response was a look of pure aggravation. "I'm just going to…" she trailed off and pointed to the passenger side of the car. Giving her a curt nod, he turned his attention back to the luggage.

A few minutes later, Jesse was in the car, starting it up. "Is this new?" Rachel asked, deciding to try and make small talk. He looked at her questioningly. "The car," she clarified.

"Yeah, it's an early graduation present from my parents," he replied.

"I like it," was her only response. Giving him a tentative smile, she turned and grabbed her seatbelt to buckle herself in.

"Thanks." There was a softness to the tone of his voice that if Rachel didn't know Jesse as well as she did, she might've missed it. Maybe this road trip would be a good thing for them.

They rode in comfortable silence for awhile through the streets of Manhattan before Rachel asked him another question. "Why _do_ you have a car in the city? Isn't it really expensive to garage it?"

Jesse just had to laugh at the very typical Rachel Berry line of questioning. She looked at him in confusion for a moment, unsure as to why he was laughing. "Did I say something funny?"

"No." A warm smile touched his lips as he turned his head slightly to look at her. "It's just nice to know some things never change. That's all."

Rachel smiled slightly to herself, taking his words as a compliment. "When my parents bought the Range Rover they said that there was no sense in buying it if it wasn't in the city with me so they pay to garage it."

"Wow, that's very generous of them," she said.

"Nah, it's just typical St. James is all," he replied, smiling ruefully.

Rachel didn't know what to make of his statement. In the time that they had dated or been involved, she'd never once met his parents. The first time they'd dated when she was a Sophomore in high school, his parents had been wintering in Bali and when they'd returned they were never around. Then when they'd been involved when she was a Senior, his parents were never at his house whenever she and Jesse had hung out there. She decided she didn't want to pry further, but thought that maybe she could ask him later.

For the next three hours, they made small talk and caught up on each other's lives and what they'd missed over the past year and a half. They may have had mutual friends and hung out in the same group, but they always avoided speaking directly to one another as much as possible. "Where are we going?" Rachel asked as Jesse took the exit ramp off the highway.

"We need to stop for the night. The roads are starting to get icy and I can't drive all night," he explained as he pulled into the closest motel parking lot. He didn't want to get too far off the highway just in case the roads got really bad then they would be stuck at the hotel.

"Where are we anyways?"

"Near the Pocono Mountains, the honeymoon capital of Pennsylvania. Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll only have the honeymoon suite available," he replied with a smile and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah, here's hoping," she teased, laughing softly.

"Okay, I'll be back in a minute," he said as soon as he parked the car in front of the motel office. Rachel nodded and turned her head to look out the window at the snow that was falling as he got out of the car and shut the door. It really was pretty. She noticed all the cars in the parking lot and she hoped that they'd have a room available. Preferably, a room with two beds.

Turning her gaze back towards the office, she watched as Jesse talked to the motel manager. She felt that familiar pang of desire as she looked at him. They may have ended things and moved on since the summer after her Senior year, but that didn't mean that she still didn't think that he was the most beautiful creature that she'd possibly ever laid eyes on. She closed her eyes as she was flooded with memories of the way his body had felt underneath her, the way the muscles in his back felt as he'd moved above her, the safety she'd felt when he'd wrap his arms around her and hold her close as they lay next to each other afterwards.

She heard the car door and her eyes snapped open. "Falling asleep on me already?" he teased. She felt like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar, and she hoped that he couldn't see the blush that had crept into her cheeks.

"Just resting my eyes," she told him, trying to keep her voice very nonchalant. Taking a deep breath, she asked, "So do they have a room for us?"

"Okay, so I really did try to get a room with two beds, but they only had one left. And I kid you not, it's the honeymoon suite," he deadpanned.

"Shut up!" Rachel cried, incredulously.

A beat then, "I'm just kidding. They don't even have a honeymoon suite." She slapped him on the arm as he laughed. "You should've seen the look on your face."

"That was not funny," she said, smacking his arm again.

"It kind of was," he replied, still laughing. "Although I wasn't joking about the only room that they had available is one with just a king-size bed."

"Oh," was all she managed to get out.

"I'll sleep on the floor if I have to or something. We'll figure it out," he told her, smiling warmly at her. "The office manager said we can just leave the car parked here so let's get our stuff out and go to the room."

Getting out of the car, Rachel hopped down to the ground and shut the door before walking to the back of the car to meet Jesse. She grabbed her small overnight bag that she'd packed pajamas and an outfit in with all her toiletries. Jesse picked up his bag and shut the back of the car. He tried to take Rachel's bag and carry it for her as they walked towards their room. "I've got it," she told him. "Thanks."

He put his hands up in surrender. "Come on, it's this one," he said, stopping in front of a door and putting the key card in it. Jesse opened the door and held it open for Rachel to walk inside. Immediately, Rachel saw that he had been telling the truth about the one bed. "You can go ahead and get changed in the bathroom if you want," he offered as he set his bag down on the bed.

While Rachel got ready for bed in the bathroom, Jesse went ahead and changed into his pajamas. He decided to get his makeshift bed ready on the floor while he waited for Rachel to finish up so he could brush his teeth. Grabbing the extra blanket in the closet, he laid it down at the end of the bed and grabbed two pillows. He really hated feather pillows so he was thankful that there were plenty to spare so he could have more than one.

"Jesse, you can come in here if you need to," Rachel called from the bathroom as soon as she was dressed.

He grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste and headed for the bathroom. She smiled at him as he came in and stood next to her in front of the sink. As he brushed his teeth and she took her makeup off, Rachel felt this overwhelming wave of contentment wash over her. She didn't know why such a simple, domestic moment made her feel that way, but it did. She could just imagine what it would be like to be married to him as every night they would stand in their bathroom together and get ready for bed.

_Why does it take no time at all for me to soften to him? _She thought, frustrated with herself. _And why in the hell am I thinking about being married to him? You're 18, well amost 19, Rachel. Besides, he'll only break your heart in the end. That's what he does best._

She noticed Jesse looking at her quizzically, and smiled at him a little too brightly. Deciding to get a little space from him, she turned and walked out of the bathroom. Jesse raised an eyebrow as he watched her go. Sometimes he wished he could hear her thoughts so he would know what was going on in that head of hers.

When Rachel rounded the corner into the room she smiled to herself as she saw Jesse's makeshift bed on the floor. Walking over to the side of the bed, she pulled down the covers and arranged the pillows before getting under the covers. Turning off the bedside lamp and curling onto her side, she stared at the wall as she waited for Jesse to come out.

Moments later, Jesse shut the bathroom light off and the only light in the room was the dim light that was coming through the curtains. She watched him as he made his way to the end of the bed and lay down on the floor. Rachel felt guilty as she looked at the large, soft bed that she had all to herself, and then there was Jesse, sleeping on an uncomfortable floor. "Good night, Rachel," he called softly.

"Jesse…"

"Yeah?"

"Please come sleep in the bed. I feel really bad for having all this space to myself while you're stuck down there on the hard floor," she told him.

"I don't want to – "

"I insist," she said, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Please."

He sighed and asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yes." And with that Jesse sat up, reached behind him and grabbed his pillows. Rachel just watched him as walked around to the other side of the bed and got under the covers.

Laying on his side and facing her, they just stared at each other neither one knowing what to say. "Thanks for sharing the bed. It _was_ pretty uncomfortable down there," he said, finally breaking the silence that hung between them.

"You're welcome," she responded, as she turned on her side to face him fully. Resting her head on her arm and laying her other hand on the space between them, she decided she wanted the answer to a question that she'd been dying to ask for hours. Now seemed like the perfect moment to bring it up. "Can I ask you something, Jesse?"

"Sure."

"What's your family like?" His body visibly tensed at her question. Obviously that hadn't been the question that he thought she was going to ask.

"Rachel, I don't –" he began but her hand shot out and grabbed his arm, stopping his protest. There was a reason they had never talked about his family, it was a sensitive subject for him but he also knew that Rachel wouldn't let it go that easy.

"Please, Jesse. I've never asked before because I always respected that you didn't want to talk about it but I want to know," she said, taking her hand off of his arm and inching a little closer to him on the bed.

Letting out a long sigh, he decided to give in to her request. "As you already know, my parents are both doctors. They both come from families that were either Ivy League educated doctors or lawyers and, of course, a lot of money. I don't think I was part of their plan, so when my mom got pregnant it didn't slow her career down any and when they had me it was right back to business as usual. I had a nanny pretty much from the day I was born. I wouldn't be surprised if my first words were 'mama' to my nanny. Of course, it's not like my mom would tell me that." He paused before continuing. "They opened up their own practice when I was a toddler and that was their baby. I don't remember them ever coming to a school play or anything that I did, but they made sure I had plenty of things to occupy my time."

Rachel once again inched closer to him. "Like what?" she asked.

"Voice lessons. T-ball. Dance lessons. Piano lessons," he explained. "You name it, I probably did it at some point."

"You mean, your dad never came to a t-ball game?" Rachel asked, picturing an adorable, curly-haired six-year-old Jesse in his baseball uniform. Jesse just shook his head no in response. It made her heart break.

"Just my uncle and nanny. They were either at their practice or performing surgery on some stranger that needed saving. I was a healthy kid who didn't need saving." The look on his face broke her heart. "They gave me everything I could ever want," he told her, his voice laced with bitterness.

"Except them," she said with a sad smile.

"It wasn't all bad. We did go on family vacations all around the world. Their favorite was Bali which ended up becoming a tradition. When I was in middle school and their practice was running like a well-oiled machine, our family vacations became their winter in Bali. I couldn't miss school, but they'd tell me how much they would miss me as they'd kiss me good-bye and leave me with my nanny."

"What was her name? Your nanny."

"Ingrid. She was a nice older lady. Well, older than my mom anyways," he replied. Jesse was surprised that he was sharing all of this with Rachel. He guessed maybe he'd just always needed to tell someone, let someone in. Rachel was the perfect person for that. "I think when I was thirteen I just accepted that this was my life and it was how it was going to be. Then when I got to high school, my family became Vocal Adrenaline. Shelby was like the mother I never had. My teammates were like brothers and sisters I never had."

That was something Rachel could definitely relate to. Over the years, New Directions had become her family at McKinley. Of course, she had a wonderful relationship with her dads, but she certainly understood the closeness of being in a glee club.

"The only thing my parents ever made it to for me was my high school graduation. I think that was because I was the valedictorian, though."

"Have they ever seen you perform?" she asked. He was absolutely brilliant on a stage. When he performed you couldn't take your eyes off of him and his voice was a gift that not many people possessed.

"They'd have me sing to impress their friends at their annual holiday party, but other than that, no."

"Then it's their loss," she said softly, reaching out her hand once again. Only this time, she took his hand in hers.

"They were never short on gifts though, thus the brand new Range Rover for graduation. I think if I'd gone to med school and become a doctor they would've bought me a condo in Manhattan." He squeezed her hand a little and, deciding to switch gears a little, asked, "Can I tell you something?"

Nodding her head in response to his question, she waited for him to say whatever was on his mind. "I've missed you, Rachel. A lot." Giving her hand a tug he pulled her closer to him so they were now face-to-face, mere inches apart.

"I've missed you too," trying to ignore how close his lips were to hers and how if she wanted to she could lean over those few inches and kiss him.

Apparently, Jesse was thinking the same thing because the next thing Rachel knew his lips were on hers in a soft, chaste kiss. Her entire body felt like it was on fire just from a simple, innocent kiss. Rachel pulled back and looked at him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he apologized.

"No, it's alright," she replied, smiling at him a little.

"It's not. It just complicates things," he explained.

"Jesse…" she started, but she stopped herself.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing. You're right," she lied. All she wanted to do was kiss him passionately as she straddled him. She wanted him to return her kiss and run one hand through her hair while he gripped her hip tightly with the other as he pulled her closer. Snapping herself out of her fantasy, she managed to smile at him.

"We should probably get some sleep," he said.

"Okay," she agreed, and started to move to her side of the bed again but Jesse's grip on her waist tightened.

"Stay here with me," he whispered his plea. Looking at him, she nodded her acquiescence and laid her head next to his on the pillows. Laying on his back, she draped her arm across his mid-section as she closed her eyes. "Rachel?"

"Hmm," she replied, sleepily.

"I'm glad you asked for my help today," he whispered.

"Me too," she whispered back with a contented sigh.

"Good night." He leaned down and gently kissed her forehead.

"Good night."

* * *

The next day they were up early and managed to make it to Lima by late afternoon despite the roads not being entirely clear in some spots. Rachel had been thankful that they were in Jesse's Range Rover. After their conversation from the night before and the way Jesse had opened up to her, she had worried that the rest of their road trip would be awkward but it had been anything but. They had joked and laughed and things had felt completely comfortable.

After pulling onto Rachel's driveway, they sat in silence for a moment. "Thank you for agreeing to do this road trip with me," she told him. "And for driving the entire way," she added with a small laugh.

"It was fun. We should do this more often," he replied, smiling at her.

"We should," she agreed. Reaching for the door handle, she stopped and turned back again. "Would you like to come inside and stay for a little while? Or maybe stay for dinner?" She didn't want to say good-bye to him just yet.

"I'd love to," he responded, shutting off the car. "Are you sure your dads won't mind?"

"Please, my dads love you. I think I broke their hearts when I told them that we broke up last time," she told him, laughing a little. Grabbing Rachel's things out of the back of his car, they headed towards the house. As she opened the door, he followed closely behind her into the house. "Hey! I'm home!"

"Rachel!" came her dads cries from the kitchen in the back of the house. They rushed into the foyer to see both Rachel and Jesse standing there. "Jesse!" they said in surprise. "Thanks for getting our little girl back home to us safely."

"It was my pleasure," Jesse responded, as he shook both of their hands.

"I invited Jesse to stay for dinner," she beamed at her dads.

"Great, it'll be good to hear what you've been up to Jesse. I'm sure you've been taking New York by storm," her dad said, clapping Jesse on the back.

"You can just leave Rachel's bags here and we'll take them up later," her daddy said, motioning for Jesse to follow him into the kitchen.

"How about some hot chocolate?" Rachel's dad asked, as they walked into the kitchen.

Jesse watched Rachel's face light up like she was five years old at the mention of hot chocolate. "Oh yes please," she replied. Sitting on a stool at the bar, she pulled the other one out next to her so Jesse could sit down.

"So Jesse, I've heard all about your wonderful performance in the Tisch cabaret recently," her daddy said as walked around to other side of the counter. Rachel's eyes widened at him and her nostrils flared, she couldn't believe that he'd actually said that.

"Is that right?" Jesse smirked as he turned and looked at Rachel. Both of her dads laughed as Rachel turned beet red.

"They asked about the end of the semester performances and I told them how great everyone was," she defended, looking back and forth between each of the three men in the kitchen.

"Mmm hmm, likely story," Jesse teased, softly nudging Rachel.

"What? I did. Would you guys tell him?" Rachel cried, incredulously. She couldn't believe that her dads were throwing her under the bus like this.

"She might've," her dad finally spoke up. "You were the only one that she actually mentioned by name, though." He winked at Jesse and laughed.

Rachel's mouth hung open. "Unbelievable, he's back for five minutes and you guys are already ganging up on me," she huffed.

"Can you really blame them for loving me so much?" Jesse replied with a wink at her dads.

"Rachel, he's like the son we never had," her daddy replied with a smile as he took the mugs of hot chocolate from his husband and placed them in front of Jesse and Rachel.

Rachel sat there, sulking as she looked at her mug of hot chocolate in front of her. "Drink your hot chocolate before it gets cold, honey," her dad said, as he walked over to her and planted a kiss on top of her head.

"You know, Rachel was pretty amazing when she performed at cabaret this semester," Jesse told her dads as he smiled at her over the rim of his mug of hot chocolate. "But then I'm sure you guys already knew that. She's always amazing."

Rachel felt a blush creep into her cheeks at his compliment. "Thanks," she muttered. She noticed out of the corner of her eye how her dads were smiling at both her and Jesse.

They sat in the kitchen for over an hour just catching up, but then her dads told them to go relax so they could start cooking dinner. So Jesse and Rachel went and grabbed her things from the foyer and headed up to her room. "I wasn't sure if I'd ever see this place again," Jesse said, as he dropped her bags on the floor by her closet.

"Me either," she replied with a smirk.

Plopping down on her bed and leaning back against the pillows and headboard, he smiled at her with a twinkle in his eyes. "There are lot of memories in this room," he sighed.

"There are," Rachel agreed, sitting down on the bed next to him.

"I'm sorry I was such a dick when we broke up," he blurted out suddenly.

"I didn't behave much better," Rachel said as she looked down at her hand, playing with the edge of the comforter.

"I just hate that we lost all that time when we could've been friends," he explained, sitting up next to her.

"Jesse," she started, turning her head to look at him. He was so close that she could feel his breath on her face. She did her best to ignore his closeness as she looked in his eyes and continued, "We've never been good at being just friends."

"In the past, but we've both grown up a lot over the past year and a half. Maybe we can now," he told her, a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Do you really think so?" she asked, not sure if she could ever be just friends with him. Every time she was close to him all she wanted to do was kiss him.

"I really think so," he reassured her with a grin.

Rachel sighed and returned his smile. "Friends then?"

He nodded. "Friends." Both were unsure what to do next so they leaned in and hugged. It felt right. As they pulled back, they smiled at one another. Jesse leaned forward to give Rachel what he thought was going to be a peck on the cheek but instead kissed her soundly on the lips.

Rachel looked at him, a little stunned. "I don't think friends…" she began.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I'm going to need to work on that," he said, a sheepish grin on his face.

Rachel lay back on the bed as Jesse leaned against the headboard once more. "Although... I think your dads want me as their son-in-law so…" he teased.

Rachel didn't even bother responding, she just picked up one of her pillows and hit Jesse in the stomach with it.

* * *

**Author's Note: **So I checked and re-checked all of the dates in this. According to the Tisch website, classes end for the Fall semester this year on December 15th so that's what I went with for the year that this takes place in. I also looked up exactly when Hanukkah would fall in the year 2013 and it's from November 27 - December 5 which Rachel would've missed. And since her birthday is not until December 18th, she's still 18 in this part. I kind of want to write a continuation of this where Jesse takes her out for her 19th birthday a couple of days later or something. Who knows if I'll actually do it.


	5. November 2017

**Author's Note:** I had planned on having this final part posted earlier in the week, but it went through a major rewrite. This chapter more than doubled in size from what it was originally, thanks to all the amazing feedpack for chapter 4. I hope this one doesn't disappoint. This one's a little bit different b/c the majority of it is flashbacks so hopefully it's not too confusing. I want to know what you guys think and read your feedback so please review. Enjoy!

* * *

The last four years had been sweet agony for Rachel. Ever since their little road trip from New York City to Lima, Rachel and Jesse had struck up an almost easy friendship. By the way they constantly flirted with each other it was obvious that there was definitely still a mutual attraction, but something had shifted inside of Rachel on a much deeper level that she thought Jesse obviously hadn't felt. Over their Winter Break that year, Rachel had started to fall back in love with Jesse all over again.

Even though they'd both agreed to be just friends, she'd hoped that perhaps he'd ask her out when they'd returned from Winter Break together since neither of them had been seeing anyone. She had decided to leave the ball in his court since being friends seemed to be what he really wanted. But Rachel had been so excited when one morning he'd called her and asked her out for coffee. She had been positive that this was finally going to be their moment after all of their near misses over the years. That he'd decided that this whole just friends things wasn't what he wanted after all.

Unfortunately, that had been all that it was, nothing more than coffee between two new-old friends. After that, she and Jesse were virtually inseparable. He became the best friend that she'd never had. They celebrated every holiday together it seemed even Valentine's Day. Well, it was more anti-Valentine's Day. That first year they decided to throw an anti-Valentine's Day party and they invited everyone they knew.

It felt like it was almost yesterday when she'd walked into Jesse's apartment to help him get ready for the party. "So I got black decorations because it's _anti_-Valentine's day, but I also had to get red because there needs to be some color. Black is just not a party color unless it's a funeral and then it's not really a party is it," she rushed out as she walked into Jesse's apartment holding a few bags full of decorations.

Jesse laughed as she dumped the contents of the bags all over his living room floor. "Did you buy one of every red and black thing in the store?"

Looking around at all of the decorations scattered around her on the floor, she realized that maybe she might have gone a little overboard. "Well, as I always say, one can never be too prepared," she replied to his question defensively.

"And normally I'm inclined to agree with you," he said leaning down to pick up something from the floor. "But confetti? Really?"

"Well, I…" she started. "Okay, fine, I was really stressed out about getting the perfect decorations and I went ahead and bought everything that you could possibly need to decorate for a party." She looked up at him, pouting slightly.

"I don't think there's anything you missed," he teased, but softened a little when he saw that she wasn't laughing. Jesse went over and wrapped his arms around her. "You did great," he reassured her.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

"I made your favorite party drink by the way," he told her, holding her out at arms length. "Do you want a little glass while we decorate?"

"When did you make hunch punch?" she asked, a grin spreading across her face.

"Earlier today. I tasted it and I have to say it might be the best tasting hunch punch I've ever had in my life," he said, proudly. With one arm still wrapped around Rachel's shoulder, he steered the both of them towards the kitchen. Grabbing two plastic cups, he opened his refrigerator and poured some into both cups.

Handing Rachel one cup, he lifted his to his lips when Rachel's hand shot out to stop him. "Wait! We have to toast!"

He raised his eyebrows at her over the cup as if to say "Really?" The stern look on Rachel's face had told him "Yes, really" and he'd lowered his cup. "Okay, what do you want to toast to?"

"To us," she said lamely.

"That's it? That's your toast? You're off your game today," he teased. She just looked at him, clearly not amused. "Alright. Let me think… to us finally getting over our shit and realizing that our lives are better with each other in them than not. And relationships are for losers." Rachel's face brightened and she hit Jesse's cup with her own.

"I am impressed Mr. St. James," she said after taking her first sip. "I think I'm going to be staying at your place tonight."

"I was already planning on that," he replied, winking at her and laughing. "Okay, so what do you say we put up some of your decorations?" She nodded excitedly and they headed back into the living room.

Four hours later, the party was in full swing and both Jesse and Rachel were pretty drunk from the hunch punch that they'd been drinking. Rachel wasn't sure if it was because they were both drunk or not but it seemed like no matter who she or Jesse were talking to they kept tabs on the other one. Giving each other flirty glances or constantly touching each other whenever they were close to one another. As they were talking to some friends, Jesse just rested his hand comfortably on Rachel's ass like his hand belonged there. Like her ass was his property. Rachel had to admit, she liked it.

"Jesse, I'm going to go lay down in your room for a little bit," she said, leaning up towards his ear so he could hear her over all of the noise of the party. He nodded that he'd understood her and turned back towards their friends. Not bothering to excuse herself, she headed for his bedroom and once inside shut the door behind her. Flinging herself across his bed, she stared up at his ceiling and took deep breaths to try to make the nausea go away.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been lying on the bed when the door opened, and she saw Jesse's silhouette in the doorway. "Are you okay?" he asked, coming into the room and shutting the door behind him.

"I'm quite drunk," she told him, trying to focus on him at the end of the bed.

"So am I," he replied, plopping down on the bed next to her. "Is it bad that I want to kick everyone out so I can go to bed?" he asked, laughing.

"You could just stay in here and maybe they won't even notice and the party will die down on it's own," she offered helpfully.

"That is an option," he said, nodding. "Did you have fun tonight?"

"Yeah," she replied with a smile, turning her head to look at him.

"Good."

"Did you have fun?"

"Always. Some girl even gave me her number."

"Doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of an anti-Valentine's day party?" Jesse just shrugged. She felt that familiar pang of jealousy that she seemed to be getting all of the time lately anytime he talked about another girl or when he told her that he had a date. "She should've been trying to hook up with you instead," she said, nudging Jesse with her elbow.

"But I already had a hot, petite brunette waiting for me in my bed," he joked, poking her in the side. "She might've thought I was trying to have a threesome." He thought about it for a moment. "Shit, I need to work on my game."

Rachel just laughed as she saw that he was imagining a threesome with her and this girl that he'd just met. "Inevitably, one of us would've been left out."

"Oh, I'm good with just watching," he responded, a dreamy smile on his face.

"I was talking about one of us girls, perv," she exclaimed, smacking him on the chest.

"Oh," was all the response that she got. They laid in silence before Jesse spoke again. "Well, we both know who that would've been."

She could feel his eyes on the side of her face. He'd made it perfectly clear, more than once, that he wanted to just be friends, even if he seemed to have momentarily forgot that, which was why she could not look at him. Looking at him would lead down a road that could ruin the friendship they'd built. "Jesse…"

"Look at me," he told her, softly.

"No," was her stern response.

"Why?" he asked as he leaned up on one elbow facing her.

"Because." That was all she could manage as she continued to stare at the ceiling. She needed to get out of this room or there was a good chance she would do something stupid. "Just friends, remember?"

"We can go back to being just friends tomorrow," he said, moving closer to her on the bed.

_Getupgetupgetup_, her head pleaded with her when she felt his body radiating heat next to her. For once she listened to her head and quickly sat up, but as she did she hadn't realized just how close Jesse had been and she knocked him in the face with her arm.

"Ow!"

"Oh my God," she cried out as she saw Jesse lay back on the bed, holding his nose with his hand. "I am so sorry," she apologized. "Are you okay?" She leaned over him, one of her hands cradling the side of his face. "I did not mean to do that." It was really hard for her not to laugh, but she couldn't help but crack a smile.

"It's not funny," he said, seeing her smile.

"It kind of is," she replied, giggling. "Now that's what I like to call karma."

He started to laugh with her, but it hurt his nose again and it ended up coming out as a pained laugh.

"Don't be such a baby," she teased.

"It hurts!" he exclaimed, trying not to laugh.

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Fine, I'll kiss it better if that'll make you stop whining." Moving his hand away from his face, she slowly leaned forward and placed a feather-light kiss on his nose. Pulling away, she asked, "Better?"

He shook his head no. Then he reached up and took her face in both of his hands. She knew she could easily pull away but she didn't want to. "Nothing changes," he whispered, before closing the space between them. His lips were smooth and sure against hers. She felt his tongue slide across her lips begging for entrance which she gave to him, stroking her tongue along his. He rolled over so that she was underneath him, Rachel sighed as his lips left hers and found their way to her neck. His mouth found the spot that drove her crazy with ease and he licked and nipped playfully.

Then he was kissing his way back up her neck to her lips, and captured them in a breathless kiss. He deepened the kiss as she felt his hand move its way up the side of her body until it found her breast. A low throaty moan was the response he got when his thumb grazed over the material covering her nipple.

Just then a knock sounded on the bedroom door. Both Jesse and Rachel froze, and turned their heads to look at the door hoping that whoever it was wouldn't walk in. "Jesse, everyone's heading out man. I'll see you later!" their friend Mark called through the door.

"Alright," Jesse called back. "Later!"

The atmosphere had completely changed and now what had once seemed like a good idea suddenly felt like the worst idea on the face of the planet. They both looked at each other awkwardly, unsure of what to do. "I think I should go," Rachel said quietly.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," he agreed and it hurt more than Rachel liked that he didn't argue and ask her to stay. He rolled off of her towards the edge of the bed before he stood up. Sitting up, Rachel took his outstretched hand. Her hand still in his, she followed him out of the bedroom and to the front door. She opened the coat closet and grabbed her coat and purse before turning to face him. "We're okay, right? Still friends?"

"Always," she smiled at him warmly and wrapped her arms around his waist. He placed a kiss on top her head before he opened his front door.

Rachel had been proud of them because they'd actually been able to keep that promise to each other. The next day everything was back to normal, like nothing had even happened. They were friends who went to Broadway shows, sang karaoke, and went dancing together. Hell, he'd even been her shoulder to cry on when she'd actually tried to move on from him by dating a guy she'd met in one of her classes only to be dumped after a few months because he decided he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend. Jesse really was her best friend.

That Fall they decided that since they spent all of their free time at each other's places anyways, they might as well be roommates. One of her favorite memories after they'd moved in together was one Friday night when they'd decided to stay in, order Chinese and watch movies.

Jesse stood in front of the TV holding two DVDs in his hands while Rachel opened up the bag with all of their food and started spreading it out on the coffee table. "Okay, so we have classic musical or modern musical?" Jesse asked.

"Do you really need to ask?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, no, but I was just being polite," he replied winking, opening the DVD case for _Oklahoma!_ and sticking it in the DVD player. He walked over and sat down between the coffee table and couch next to Rachel.

Over the next two hours they ate their food, sang along with the songs and even re-enacted Laurey's dream dance sequence with Curley in the limited space they had in their living room. "You know that's going to be us one day," Jesse said as the movie ended and they sat on the couch together, his arm wrapped around her shoulders as she rested her head on his chest.

"I know," Rachel agreed.

"Your turn to pick," he said, nudging her. "Surprise me."

Rachel was sure that he would think that she would go for another musical but she was full of surprises. Finding the exact DVD she was looking for, she took it out of its case and put it in the player for it to start playing. Retaking her place nestled into Jesse's side on the couch, she smiled to herself and waited for the menu to pop up.

Once it did, Jesse's face broke out in a huge grin. "_A Princess Bride_? I knew there was a reason why you're my girl."

She tried hard not to blush or to read too much into comments like that from Jesse, but she couldn't help the blissful tingling sensation that went through her veins when he said things like that.

Seeing as it was one of Jesse's favorite movies of all-time, much like they had as they'd watched _Oklahoma!,_ they recited every one of their favorite lines as they watched the movie. In a perfect imitation of Mandy Patinkin, Jesse said, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." It always made Rachel erupt into a fit of giggles at how much he sounded like Mandy Patinkin, and his facial expressions were priceless.

About halfway through the movie Jesse complained about wanting to lie down on the couch so Rachel had moved to the end of the couch and Jesse laid his head in her lap. She absentmindedly ran her fingers through his hair as they watched the movie.

"You're going to make me fall asleep if you keep doing that," Jesse mumbled from her lap.

"Oh, sorry," she said as she realized what she'd been doing and put her hand by her side.

"I didn't say I minded," he said, squeezing her leg a little. "It feels nice." Rachel didn't need to see his face to know that he had a sleepy smile on his face, she could tell by the tone of his voice.

Smiling to herself, she rand her hands through his hair again, scraping her nails lightly along his scalp causing a sigh to escape Jesse's lips. It was moments like this that made her realize just how in love she was with him, and her heart ached at the thought.

Miraculously, Jesse hadn't fallen asleep during the movie but as soon as it was over he announced he was ready for bed. Standing up, he headed for his room and bid Rachel good night. An hour later, Rachel was in her bed, wide awake. She tried a deep breathing exercise, that didn't work. She tried counting backwards, that didn't work. She even played some classical music on her iPod, but not even that worked. Finally, she slung her legs over the side of her bed and padded to her bedroom door.

She walked across the hall and opened Jesse's door quietly and saw that he was sound asleep. She debated about waking him up by crawling into bed with him or going back to her room and attempting to fall asleep again. Making up her mind, she walked over to his bed and crawled under the covers in front of Jesse causing Jesse to stir and open his eyes sleepily. "Hi," he said in a sleep-filled, gravelly voice, smiling dreamily at her.

"I can't fall asleep in my own bed," she explained quietly. She laid on her side, her back to him.

He didn't respond, instead he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her towards him a little so she was flush against him. His breath was warm against her neck as his breathing started evening out again. She thought that he'd fallen asleep when he laid a soft, sleepy kiss in the crook of her neck. Rachel let out a contented sigh as she closed her eyes and relaxed completely, falling asleep in Jesse's arms.

As roommates, that was the farthest things had ever gone with them. Well, with the exception of one time a couple of months after they'd moved in together when they'd gone to a Halloween party together dressed up as Danny and Sandy from _Grease_.

Rachel walked out of her room dressed in skin-tight pleather pants, off-the shoulder black shirt, leather jacket slung over her shoulder, and a blonde wig with fire engine red lipstick. "Sandy!" Jesse exclaimed, mimicking Danny.

"Tell me about, stud," she said, doing her best Sandy impression, then chuckled at herself. She walked over to Jesse who'd somehow managed to style his hair just like Danny. She reached up and tried to touch his hair.

"Whoa, hey, no touching the hair," he exclaimed, darting out of her reach.

"Seriously?" she asked, looking at him like he was crazy.

"Do you know how long it took me to perfect this… whatever this is?" he explained. Then cheekily added, "Maybe I'll let you mess it up later."

"Yeah, keep dreaming, Danny. Sandy does _not_ do that," she replied, winking back at him and heading for the door to their apartment.

_I got chills – _he started singing before Rachel cut him off. "Save it for the party, Danny" she teased. _They're multiplying_ – he finished as he walked out of their apartment and shut the door to their apartment and locking it. Rachel laughed and rolled her eyes.

"You know you love it," he said, bumping her shoulder lightly with his as they walked toward the stairs.

"I guess I should just be happy you weren't belting out "Grease Lightning"," she said.

"Now _that_ I'm saving for the party," he told her.

"Oh my God, please kill me now," she exclaimed, overdramatically. Two hours later, they were both singing "You're the One That I Want" for an apartment full of their friends. They got completely plastered at the party, and then at the end of the night had somehow managed to drunkenly find their way home.

When they got home Rachel fumbled with the key in the apartment door and the pair of them giggled their asses off at the fact that they couldn't even get back into their own apartment. "Shh," Rachel shushed Jesse loudly as he laughed at her. "You're gonna wake the neighbors."

Finally she managed to get the door open and she threw her arms up in the air in victory. "Yes!" Jesse put his hand up and they managed to just barely give each other a high-five.

They noisily made their way inside, and after Jesse was able to shut the door, they stumbled over to the couch, laughing at their ridiculousness.

Jesse landed on top of her on the couch and they were both laughing so hard that they didn't even realize the slightly compromising position they were in until suddenly Jesse stopped laughing. Rachel merely smiled up at him the way she always did, like a girl who was in love. Reaching down, he gently pulled her blond "Sandy" wig off of her head, leaving only her brunette disheveled hair. He ran his fingers through her hair gently, slowly untangling it.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered.

"So are you," came her soft reply. There was no one else in the apartment with them, but they both were afraid to say anything too loudly lest it break whatever wonderful spell they were currently under.

Rachel reached up and slowly slipped the leather jacket off his shoulders as he continued to look at her in such a way that she really did feel absolutely beautiful. It was like they were frozen in time for a minute before Jesse closed the distance between them and captured her lips with his own.

The only sound in their apartment was their harsh breathing as they kissed hungrily. Rachel reached down, unbuckling his belt and pants. She reached inside his pants and felt that he was already extremely hard, she gripped him in her small hand and began to stroke in rhythm with their tongues tangling. "God, I've wanted you for so long Jesse," she admitted, as they both gasped for air.

Rachel kicked her high heels off as Jesse gripped her rubbery pants and pulled them off along with her panties, leaving her fully exposed to him. "You have no idea what you do to me, Rachel," he managed to choke out while she continued to stroke him in an increasing rhythm with sure and steady hands. His hand found its way between her thighs and he slipped his fingers inside of her, fluttering and teasing and thrusting.

Writhing against his hand, Rachel let out a loud moan that was part Jesse's name and something else entirely. Then he abruptly stopped the wonderful things that his fingers were doing to her and positioned himself just at her entrance. He grabbed her hand to stop what she was currently doing. "I need to fuck you, Rachel. It's all I've thought about for months," he hissed, as she stroked him one last time.

Gently pushing her thighs further apart, Jesse settled between her legs fully and locked his gaze with hers as he slowly and agonizingly pushed his way inside of her to the hilt causing Rachel to have her first orgasm of the night. "Look at me," he insisted as he pulled almost all the way out and slowly entered again, causing her to cry out in pleasure, her whole body shuddering as she was rocked with another orgasm.

Lifting her hips slightly, she wrapped her legs around his hips, squeezing him slightly with her thighs, and matched his rhythm and movements. "Harder, Jesse. Fuck me harder," she growled as she dug her nails into his back. She moaned loudly again as Jesse gripped her hips firmly and drove into her like she'd asked.

"God, Rachel, you feel…so good," he panted as he continued to pound into her.

She could see him trying to concentrate to make this last longer. Putting her hands on both sides of his face she made him look at her. "Jesse…let go. I want to…," she managed to rasp out as she grabbed his ass for the last few deep thrusts into her. Leaning down, he kissed her and pulled away just before Rachel cried out as she had a mind-numbing orgasm while Jesse spilled inside of her.

As Jesse's orgasm subsided, she felt his full weight on top of her. He felt so good with his face buried in her neck as he tried to catch his breath. Rachel let out a whimper of protest as he slowly pulled out of her. "Let's go to bed," he whispered in her ear as he picked her up and made his way to his room.

Laying her down on his bed, he didn't know how she'd managed to still have her top on but he needed to rectify that. So he grabbed the hem of her top and lifted it over her head then reached behind her to unclasp her bra. Dipping his head, he softly kissed both of her breasts and reverently kissed his way up her body until his mouth found hers again for a chaste kiss.

"Sleep," Rachel managed. Jesse simply chucked and pulled the covers down. They both crawled under the covers and lay in their usual position with Jesse behind Rachel, his arm wrapped around her waist. Being wrapped in Jesse's arms always made Rachel feel completely safe and secure, and she never slept better than when she was with him. It didn't take long for her to drift off.

An hour later, she awoke when she felt Jesse making languid circles around her nub, making her wet as her body came to life all over again. "Rachel…" he breathed out, seeing that she was awake. He gradually pushed inside of her from behind. The frenzied pace of earlier was now slow, sensual lovemaking.

Jesse massaged her breasts and squeezed and twisted her nipples as he made love to her. When he would start to increase the pace and she thought she was about to orgasm, he would slow down and then build up the tension in her body all over again. It was blissful torture. She was so on edge that eventually all it took was for him to rub her bundle of nerves a couple of times before she was spiraling over the edge and bringing him with her.

Linking her fingers through his as he once again pulled out of her, she turned her head and kissed him deeply. Sighing contentedly as she lay her head back down on the pillow, she quickly fell back asleep, completely spent. Rachel never heard the words that had spilled from Jesse's lips just before he'd closed his eyes to go to sleep, "I love you."

Jesse awoke to an empty bed the next morning. He hesitantly walked into the kitchen and said, "Morning." He walked over to the coffee pot and grabbed a mug from the cabinet above.

Rachel didn't even look up from the magazine she was reading as she returned his greeting. She sipped her coffee and avoided looking at him as he padded around the kitchen doctoring his coffee and sitting down on a stool next to her at the kitchen counter. The tension was unbearable, but she had no idea what to say.

Finally, Jesse decided to break the awkward silence, "Rachel, about last night…"

But she didn't want him to finish. She had no idea what he was going to say and she had thought that she wanted to be with him but faced with that very real possibility, it freaked her out more than anything else. She didn't know if she could handle giving Jesse her heart again. She was fairly certain that if he broke it, it would be the last time she would ever give it to anyone ever again. On the other hand, she was more scared that he was going to tell her that the night before was all one big mistake and it had been inevitable that they'd hook up at some point, but that's all it should be. A one time thing.

So Rachel decided to beat him to it. "We don't have to talk about it. We both knew it would happen eventually, but it was what it was."

"And that's…" he asked, a bit puzzled by her very brisk and almost nonchalant reaction to what they had done the night before.

"It was just sex," she responded, looking at him evenly. _Why? Why are you doing this Rachel? What is wrong with you? Tell him you love him and you want to take that chance with him! Don't fuck this up! _her heart screamed desperately even as she spoke. "Great sex between longtime friends," she said, and even managed a somewhat lecherous smile. This was some of the best acting she'd done to date.

"Right," he said, standing up. "Glad that's cleared up." And as Rachel watched him walk back into his room and shut the door, her heart broke as she couldn't believe what she'd just done.

That was three years ago. They'd never spoken about that night again after that. And that next Spring, Jesse had met Darcy. She was a beautiful redhead who was also an aspiring Broadway actor that Jesse had met at an audition. While Darcy may not have snagged a role in the production and Jesse had, she'd landed Jesse which almost seemed to be just as good for the girl. Rachel thought Darcy was a nice girl and even did her best to become friends with her, but it was hard for Rachel to pretend that she wasn't completely jealous over Darcy's relationship with the man that Rachel was in love with. But Rachel had sucked it up, and she and Darcy had even gone to Jesse's opening night together.

Darcy may have been Jesse's girlfriend, but it was Rachel that Jesse wanted to see before the show. This was a special and monumental moment for both of them. Jesse had finally made it and it was only a matter of time before it would be Rachel's turn. "Jesse?" Rachel called, knocking on his open dressing room door.

Jesse turned around and had the biggest grin that Rachel had ever seen from him. He was practically glowing. He rushed over to her and hugged her tightly. "You have no idea how glad I am that I'm sharing this moment with you," he said quietly, as he held her close.

"I'm so proud of you," Rachel replied as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I just wanted to wish you luck before your Broadway debut."

"I always knew that one day I'd be on a Broadway stage, but now that it's happening it's just surreal," he confessed. "You're next, you know. And we're going to star in a Broadway show together."

She nodded in agreement. "A revival of _Oklahoma!_," she replied. They stayed wrapped in each other's arms a little longer before Rachel said, "You know, I should probably let you get ready to go out there."

"Yeah," he agreed, still not letting her go just yet. "I'm glad you're my best friend. You know I love you, right?"

"Of course," she told him, her heart aching. "And I love you." With that, she kissed his cheek and let go of him as he did the same.

"I'll see you afterwards, right?"

She nodded. "Break a leg," she told him, as the excitement started to build in her again over his Broadway debut.

Jesse had been brilliant, and Rachel went to see his show as much as possible to support her friend. It didn't hurt that she absolutely loved the entire show from start to finish. It was tough for her to balance her feelings for Jesse and their friendship but at the end of the day, she'd made her bed and she had to lie in it.

As Jesse and Darcy got more serious, Rachel had gone on a serial dating rampage. Bringing boys back to their apartment every so often, knowing that Jesse was going to be there and making sure that he heard her cries of ecstasy as she had sex with them. She was never with any of the guys more than once.

She didn't care enough about them to want to see them again. She told herself that she was just meeting her needs, and if it made Jesse jealous then that was just a plus. Finally, Jesse had confronted her about her destructive behavior.

"So who was that?" Jesse asked Rachel just as she'd said good night to her date. The guys that she took to bed never stayed until morning. It was her first rule.

"Mark…or Mike," she said casually, approaching where he sat on the couch. "I can't really remember. He was extremely good-looking but he wasn't very interesting."

"What are you doing, Rachel?" This was not the girl that he'd known for the last five years.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, pretending she didn't understand exactly what he was asking.

"All these guys the last few months. Never the same guy twice, always out before morning. This isn't you and I'm trying to understand why," he explained, leaning forward, his forearms on his knees.

"Jesse, I'm just having fun. Isn't that what college is for?" She had wanted to make him jealous, she didn't want him judging her like she felt he was doing right now.

"Are you sure this isn't about me and Darcy?" he asked.

Rachel felt like the wind had been knocked out of her by his question. "No," she denied as quickly as she could.

"You know you're my best friend and nothing's going to change that right?" he reassured her.

Rachel wanted to breath a sigh of relief as she realized that he thought it was all because Rachel felt like she was losing her best friend. She was thankful that he hadn't insinuated that this was all because of her unresolved feelings for him. She wasn't sure if she would've been able to argue with him and deny that she was, in fact, in love with him.

"I know," she told him as she threw herself into his arms on the couch.

After that, she'd stopped inviting her dates back to their apartment and she stopped going to theirs. She'd realized that having sex with a lot of different men was never going to change the way she felt about Jesse. She was just going to have to live with the fact that Jesse had found someone else and hope that she would eventually find the courage to tell him how she felt before it was too late.

And then a year ago Jesse told Rachel he was going to ask Darcy to marry him. Rachel had moped around for months until about two weeks ago when she and Jesse had been eating dinner together in their apartment. She couldn't hold it in any longer. "Don't," she simply said.

"What?" confusion crossing his features as he looked at his best friend.

"Please don't marry her," she pleaded, not looking at him.

"Why?" he asked, looking at her in disbelief.

"Because…because she's not right for you," she blurted out, not able to say the words that she so desperately wanted to say.

"You know that's not true and it's certainly not enough for me to call off my wedding," he retorted. He walked into the kitchen and slammed his dish into the sink, nearly breaking it.

"Fine!" she yelled, walking into the kitchen and slamming her dish into the sink as well. Turning on her heel, she headed for her room. Jesse grabbed her arm before she could make it through the living room.

"You don't get to say something like that and then not be honest with me!" he barked, whipping her around to face him. "Say what you really wanted to say!"

"Don't marry her!" she yelled.

"Why, Rachel? Tell me why!" he bellowed. He didn't know why he was so angry but he was.

"Because I'm in love with you!" she cried desperately. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"No!" Rachel looked at him, stunned. "You don't get to do that me now! Not after all this time!" he spat, bitterly.

"I'm sorry. I've wanted to tell you for so long but I just... I couldn't. I was scared you'd break my heart again," she sobbed, sitting down on the couch. "I can't watch you marry someone else when every fiber of my being screams that you're mine. That you belong with me."

"Then don't bother coming to the wedding," he said and walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Rachel curled up in a ball on the couch. She'd had no idea what a broken heart had truly felt like until that moment. She felt like she was being ripped in two and the agony was too much to bear. She didn't know what she was going to do without the boy she loved. She needed him desperately, but obviously he didn't need her.

She had hoped that he would come back home, but she hadn't seen him since their argument. Rachel had pretty much been holed up in their apartment since then.

Today was the day that Jesse and Darcy were getting married, and as much as she wanted to be there to support her best friend, she just couldn't put herself through the agony. She might die if she watched Jesse marry a girl that wasn't her.

Rachel busied herself around their apartment which would soon just be her apartment. To keep from watching the clock and being tormented, she cleaned the apartment from top to bottom. Still Rachel couldn't stop herself from glancing at the clock every time she walked by one. When there was nothing left to clean, Rachel decided to take a bath and try to relax since cleaning had not helped like she had hoped. Lighting candles all around the bathroom, she turned off the light and climbed in the warm, bubbly water.

As she turned her iPod on, she noticed the time, five minutes to six. Her imagination got the better of her as she closed her eyes and listened to the music. In her mind, she could see Jesse nervously pacing in a room with his groomsmen in the church waiting to walk into the chapel. She imagined him standing at the altar and the look of amazement on his face as his beautiful bride walked down the aisle. Rachel's eyes shot open as she realized she was imagining her own wedding to Jesse. The way he would look at her as she walked down the aisle. The way his thumb would gently caress the back of her hand as they made their promise to love each other for the rest of their days. The passionate kiss they'd share in front of everyone they loved once they were finally married.

Tears ran down Rachel's cheeks as she couldn't shake the image of her and Jesse getting married or what that would actually feel like. She had to stop torturing herself, so she sat up in the tub and took the stopper out. She needed to get out of this apartment. Grabbing a towel, she dried herself off and tossed the towel on the floor as she took her bathrobe from behind the bathroom door and put it on.

Going into the kitchen, she got a wine glass down from the shelf and poured herself a generous amount of Pinot Noir. Sipping on her wine, she went to her room and sat down at her dressing table, Rachel just stared at her reflection in the mirror for a moment taking in her appearance. All things considered, she didn't think she looked that bad. Granted her eyes were a little puffy and red, but she knew she could make herself presentable enough to go out.

She sat there and meticulously applied her makeup as she drank her glass of wine. She had no idea where she was going to go but by the way she was applying her eye makeup she was thinking that perhaps a bar would be a good start. Besides drowning her sorrows in a martini glass and possibly finding solace in the arms of a handsome man for the night sounded pretty good right about now. Finally looking at the finished product and feeling satisfied, she raised her wine glass to her lips to finish off the rest of her wine but stopped before drinking any when she heard the front door open. Frowning slightly, she set the glass back down, wondering who in the hell Jesse had given a key to.

"Rachel!" She froze at the sound of his voice. What was he doing here? He was supposed to be at his reception right now. Walking out into the living room of their apartment, she found Jesse standing in the entryway, not in a tuxedo but in jeans and a t-shirt. Rachel thought he looked a bit worse for the wear, and her first instinct was to rush over to him and ask him if he was okay but she stopped herself. Neither one of them spoke, staring at each other instead.

"Why aren't you in a tuxedo?" Rachel finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Because…I didn't get married today," he explained, taking a step towards Rachel.

"What?" she asked, not sure if she'd heard him right.

"I called off the wedding," he said.

A strangled sob escaped Rachel as his words registered. Her knees felt weak as she sank down to the floor. Looking up at Jesse she managed to ask, "When?"

"A week ago," he replied, tears falling down his cheeks. The next thing Rachel knew she was laughing and sobbing all at the same time. Walking over to Rachel and kneeling down on the floor beside her, he slowly reached out and took her hand in his.

"I hate you," Rachel half-cried, half-laughed as she looked up at him. It was the only thing she could think to say to him as her emotions ran the gamut of being elated that he hadn't actually gotten married to being pissed that he'd taken his sweet time letting her know that he'd called off the wedding.

"I'm sorry I waited so long to come and tell you," he said, gathering her in his arms. "I had so many things to think about and I was angry with you."

"Why?" her question muffled slightly as she rested her head against his chest.

"Your timing sucked," he explained, running his fingers softly through her hair. "I thought I'd finally let go of you and I had accepted that I was never going to have the life that I always wanted with you. For you to finally tell me that you're in love with me, after all that time, two weeks before I was going to marry someone else…" he paused before continuing. "I was confused and upset."

"Did you have to wait and let me think that you'd gotten married?" she sniffled, unconsciously gripping the side of his shirt like she never wanted to let him go.

"I've been by here so many times since I called off the wedding but I just…after the way I reacted when you poured your heart out to me. I was ashamed," he said.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. I should've told you that I loved you after our Winter Break road trip and every day since," she responded, looking up at him and wiping his tears away. "It might've been our wedding today if I had."

It was Jesse's turn to wipe the tears away that were streaming down her cheeks. "I love you, Rachel Berry," he finally said. "Always have, always will."


	6. Epilogue  January 2022

**Author's Note: **So originally I hadn't planned on writing anything else for this fic but I had some requests for more and one great suggestion for an epilogue (thanks, Marizza!). I was struck with this idea randomly and decided that I wanted to write an epilogue. This is pure, unadulterated fluff. For the first part of this, I watched this video on YouTube ( /watch?v=iCgDgJsTR_w ) for a little inspiration and ended up crying. Anyways, I hope you guys like this epilogue. It made me completely happy. Reviews are always wonderful.

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Jesse and Rachel lay in bed, Jesse's ear pressed to Rachel's swollen belly as he gently rubbed it with his hand. "Hi baby, it's your dad," he whispered softly. "Your mom says that you know my voice and that when I sing to you, you calm down. And your mom isn't feeling too good right now, so I need you to stop moving around."

Rachel ran her hand through Jesse's hair slowly, mimicking the motions that he was doing on her stomach. It was moments like this that made Rachel love Jesse more than she ever thought possible.

Jesse kissed her stomach and started singing – _Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart. Never to part, baby of mine._ He ran his hand in a soothing circle over Rachel's round belly as he continued to sing.

Unbidden, tears began to well up in Rachel's eyes as she listened to her husband sing to their unborn child. How did she get so lucky? She'd just left her second successful production on Broadway four months ago so she could have their baby and Jesse was currently starring in a new musical that he'd originated the role for. And to top it all off, she and Jesse had been in a state of wedded bliss for the last four years and were now on the eve of having their own little family. Life didn't get better than this.

She looked down again and saw that Jesse was looking at her and smiling as he finished the song – _But you're so precious to me. Cute as can be, baby of mine._ Her heart skipped a beat with the way he was looking at her. He tenderly kissed her belly again before whispering "I love you" to it.

He moved up the bed so he was now hovering above her, his hands on either side of her body. "And I love you, Mrs. St. James," he said just before leaning down to kiss his wife. "Did it work at all?" he asked, pulling back a little.

"It did," she told him before reaching up and pulling him into another kiss. As Jesse pulled back once again, he placed a kiss on his wife's forehead before he laid down beside her and put his hand protectively on her stomach. Laying her hand on top of his and linking their fingers, she turned to look at him and asked, "Who do you think is more excited about this baby? My parents or your parents?"

Jesse sighed. "It's a toss up. What's crazy is that if you would've asked me on our road trip all those years ago if I would ever be able to patch up my relationship with my parents, I probably would've said no. Let alone if they would've been excited about having a grandchild."

"Maybe they see it as their chance to try to make up for the mistakes they made as parents with you," she offered, smiling warmly at him. "They've tried really hard these last few years to really be a part of your life. And to be supportive."

"Thanks to you," he told her, giving her hand a little squeeze.

"You needed your family," she explained.

"_You_ are my family." With his free hand, he reached up and lightly caressed the side of her face.

"I know. I just wanted you to have a real relationship with your parents," she explained. "I'm glad they wanted it too."

"What did I do to deserve you?"

"I ask myself that very question every day," she teased.

He laughed softly. "I'm serious, Rachel."

Sighing, she scooted closer to him and ran her fingertips across his brow and down the side of his face. "We both got lucky when we were teenagers and found each other. We've been through a lot together, good and bad, but I wouldn't change a thing."

"Me either," he agreed, before placing a soft kiss on her lips.

* * *

Two weeks later, Jesse was at the theater getting ready for his show later on that evening, when the phone call came. "It's happening!" Rachel yelled into the phone.

"Oh my God! I'm on my way home," he replied excitedly, running around his dressing room and gathering his things.

"Jesse, my dads are taking me to the hospital. Meet us there," she attempted to calmly explain to him. He could hear her dad telling her to breath in the background and what sounded like car horns honking. He was so glad that they had decided to come and stay with Jesse and Rachel for just this very purpose. Before he could respond, she hung up on him.

"Alright then," he said, looking at his phone. He rushed to find the stage manager and told him that Rachel was in labor so they'd need to use his understudy tonight. The whole production had been aware that Jesse would need to leave unexpectedly any day now, so they were fully prepared. They'd even had a plan in place just in case Rachel had gone into labor during a performance. Jesse had told them that under no uncertain circumstances was he going to possibly miss the birth of his first child.

Slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder, he raced out the stage door to the street to hail a cab. Thirty minutes later he was in front of Mount Sinai Medical Center and rushing through the doors to the reception desk. Jesse really hated New York City traffic sometimes.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"Yes, my wife is in labor and I'm supposed to meet her here," he said, managing to keep calm. He knew he could be a bit overdramatic at times, he was an actor after all, but he didn't want to scare the poor woman.

She pointed him in the direction of the Women's Center and it took everything in Jesse not to go running down the hall. After a couple more stops, he found Rachel already in a room and waiting for the doctor. He ran over to her bedside and took her outstretched hand in his. Bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it, he lightly brushed some of her hair off her face. "Hi beautiful," he said softly as she smiled up at him.

"They just gave her the epidural a few minutes ago and they said it should start to kick in about ten minutes from now," Rachel's dad said.

"Can I get you anything? Do you want some ice chips?" he asked, wanting to do something for her.

"Please," she replied, quietly.

"Okay, I'll be right back," he told her and kissed her forehead before letting her hand go and walking out of the room with the cup on her bedside table. For the next two and a half hours he did whatever she wanted. Luckily, he'd read all of the books and knew that it was very possible for her to have some serious mood swings, which she did. One minute she wanted the TV on to distract her, a few minutes later it became too distracting. Or she wanted him to rub her lower back but then she didn't want him to touch her. He even made sure that they gave her another dose of epidural when she yelled at him that the pain was getting worse. If it wasn't so exhausting, he might laugh.

When she was finally in the final stages of labor, Jesse stayed close but didn't touch her until she held out her hand to him impatiently. He thought she might break a finger or two as she squeezed his hand and pushed, but he was her cheerleader her every step of the way.

"You're doing amazing, baby," Jesse encouraged as Rachel grunted and pushed. "I love you so much."

"This is all your fault! I hate you!" Rachel growled after another hard push.

Jesse looked at the nurse and smiled, "She says that a lot, she never means it." The nurse chuckled.

"I mean it this time!" she screamed with another push. Jesse just looked at the nurse again and shook his head slightly as if to say that she really didn't mean it. Everyone in the room cracked a smile. Well, everyone except for Rachel who didn't find this situation amusing at all.

Despite Rachel's adamancy that she hated her husband, she never let go of his hand. Finally the doctor announced that he could see the head. "Just a couple more pushes, Rachel," the doctor informed her. And just like the doctor instructed she pushed a couple more times and Jesse saw as the doctor held his son in his hands.

He and Rachel watched as the medical staff cleaned off his newborn son and wrapped him in a blanket. "You were amazing," Jesse said, quietly into her ear then leaned up and placed a feather-light kiss on her temple. The doctor handed their son to Rachel, and Jesse thought he might burst from happiness as he watched Rachel holding him.

"Say hi to your daddy," she said, looking up with an exhausted smile at Jesse.

"Hi, little man," Jesse said, touching his son's face tenderly. "Rachel, he's perfect," he sighed as he looked at the full, dark head of hair, his perfectly round cheeks and his brilliant blue eyes.

"We did good," she told him.

"We do kind of make a beautiful kid," he replied, before leaning forward and kissing her like he'd wanted to kiss her since he got to the hospital. He didn't even care that the doctor and nurses were still slowly filtering out of the room.

"Do you want to hold your son?" she asked as Jesse pulled back from their kiss. Jesse simply nodded at her as he took the little bundle into his arms. Sitting down in the chair next to Rachel's bedside, he cradled his son in one arm and held her hand with his free hand.

Rachel's dads came into the room and stood behind Jesse to look at their new grandson. "He's gorgeous you guys," her daddy said, holding his husband's hand tightly. "I can't believe we're grandparents."

"Oh God, I forgot to call my parents," Jesse suddenly realized.

"Relax, Jesse. We already called them. They're coming into town in a couple days. They wanted to let you guys get the baby home and get settled," her dad reassured Jesse. "You should've heard how excited they were when we told them."

"So you guys never told us what you're going to name him," her daddy said.

Jesse and Rachel looked at each other and smiled. They had poured over every baby name book they could get their hands on. They had thought of a Jewish name like Jakob or Ephram but they just didn't like one enough. They thought maybe just naming him after Jesse, but decided against that. Finally they'd narrowed it down to five names that they both really liked, and were eventually able to widdle it down to one. "Liam Michael St. James," Rachel told her dads.

As Rachel and her dads talked a bit, Jesse leaned forward and kissed his son's forehead and whispered, "You hear that, buddy? How do you like your name, Liam?" He looked down into his son's eyes and they just stared right back up at him. "Well, you're not crying about it so I'm going to take it as a good sign."

When he looked up again, he saw Rachel looking at him lovingly. "We're going to head out and let you guys have some time to yourselves. We'll see you tomorrow, sweetheart," her daddy said. They both gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before patting Jesse on the back and waving at their new grandbaby. Shutting the door behind them, they left the new family to have some time alone.

"Are you tired?" Jesse asked, still cradling his son.

"A little," she told him.

"Why don't you rest?" he asked.

"I want my boys with me," she replied, tugging on his hand a little. Jesse acquiesced and Rachel scooted over a bit so he could lay on the bed with her. Liam was comfortably nestled in Jesse's arms between them. She sighed. "I love you. I love our family."

"And we love you. Now get some rest," he said, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "We'll be right here when you wake up." Jesse's arm wrapped around her, holding her to his side, and her hand lightly resting on her son's legs, Rachel let out a contented sigh and closed her eyes.


End file.
